Goose Rock and The Rhetorical Child

This is the view from Goose Rock, but I didn't take the picture. These guys did.

My oldest child is entering what the proponents of classical education call the rhetoric stage. Here's what Dorothy Sayers (of "The Lost Tools of Learning") says about this stage: 


"The Pert age... is characterized by contradicting, answering back, liking to "catch people out" (especially one's elders)' and by the propounding of conundrums. Its nuisance-value is extremely high."


Anybody else have one of these? I see those hands. 


Anyhow. 

This summer our family took a trip north to the great state of Washington as we do every year. This year we decided to hike Goose Rock, a short hike but decently steep in places. Our city-bred kids were less than enthused at the exertion and started complaining about half way up. In an effort to bring some levity to the situation, I tried to play make believe. 


"We're Francisco Pizarro! We're exploring the jungles of Peru!"


"Mom," says the pert-aged child, "That was South America. We're in North America."


Fine.


"Okay, we're Henry Hudson! We're searching for the Northwest Passage!"


"On foot?"


"Sure, why not?"


"He sailed a ship, mom."


Ahem. 


"Okay. We're Lewis and Clark. Right continent, right method of transportation. They even explored close to here! You be Sacajawea! I'm Lewis and Owain is Clark.."


"Together? Mom, they split up when they got to the Northwest."


At this point I gave up. 


At least I know she's been listening. 

TV Picks for Preschoolers

Recently I posted on how TV effects kids and why they shouldn't watch it. Just in case you need a more authoritative figure to tell you about TV and kids, here's one and here's another.  Now I'm going to break my own rule and tell you the shows we watch regularly.

Yep, we watch TV. I see it the way I see dessert - a nice treat on occasion. (A caveat - I would never feed my kids rat poison, no matter how much they wanted it. I feel the same about certain television programs)

Sometimes (especially in summer) it really is fun to curl up on the couch together and veg for a while. And there truly are some gems out there - shows that encourage good character and are simply fun. Here are our favorites for the preschool crew:

Charlie and Lola. These are also a book series. Charlie is big brother to a charmingly pesky sister, Lola. Her antics are frustrating but not malicious and he is a model big brother, exhibiting patience, understanding and self control. Family values are spotlighted but not in a saccharin way - the two get into some very real disagreements that kids relate to. 

Peep and the Big Wide World. I love Peep! She and her friends Chirp and Quack wander their world making discoveries. This science-based series is entertaining and educational, and includes videos of real kids testing out the 'discoveries' the animated characters have made. Bonus - Joan Cusack narrates and the theme song is super catchy. 

The Original Thomas the Train. Based on the books by Rev. Awdry, Thomas and his friends help each other, striving to be 'really useful'. The stories manage to teach morals without being obvious about it. The original series was done with absolutely beautiful miniatures; newer ones are computer animated and don't have quite the same gentle tone, but are still good.  

Little Bill. How can you not love a show by Bill Cosby? Brightly colored "paper" animation, engaging characters and relatable plotlines engage kids. The parents are wise and kind, and Alice the Great is the perfect grandmother. Even the older siblings get along well and enjoy being with their baby brother. Lovely. 

Little Bear. Delightful characters, delightful drawings, delightful music. This program is just delightful. It's a good one for just before naps, and it's best for the youngest crowd.

A little later I'll share our favorites for the older elementary kids. I don't, however, have teenagers and I'm wondering if anyone could recommend some good shows for that age group?

A Year of Fun at the Happiest Place on Earth

Yes, you heard right. I caved.

I turned my back on all my frugal, crunchy-granola, classical-educating ways.

I bought Disneyland annual passes.

I have lots of excuses, don't you worry. And yes, I do feel the need to justify my purchase. After all, spending that kind of money on entertainment goes against just about every principle I hold dear. You might remember this post, in which I explained exactly why I did not want annual passes to the happiest place on earth. But then...

1. The Amazing Husband really wanted some. And it was his birthday. His 30th birthday. And people do crazy things for love, kids.

2. You only live once. And we're only getting these passes once. One year of Disneyana and then it's back to real life. I realized when we left Vegas that we never really know the plans God has for us. I'd hate to end up leaving here after a few years of thinking we'd be here forever and regret not going.

3. They didn't end up costing as much as I thought. I mean, they did cost a lot. I nearly hyperventilated when I hit "Buy Tickets". BUT. Annual passes including parking ended up costing us less than we would have spent to come for a long weekend. (We bought the cheap ones.) So this year, instead of a family vacation, we're doing Disney.

3a. We were able to pay cash. I note this because everyone I talked to around here about it said, "Hey, don't worry about the cost because you can make payments!" Now I really like these folks, but no way am I buying Disney passes on credit. We happen to believe that if you don't have the money for something, you can't afford it. If you can afford the payment you should save that money until you have it all. The only exceptions to the cash only rule are houses and medical bills. And maybe cars but there would have to be some extenuating circumstances to that one. Which is why we still drive our old blue van.

Anyway. We bought our passes last weekend and spent the whole day Monday, then we went after school on Thursday. And it has been a real blast. It's nice to go not worrying about getting it all done. It's relaxing. The kids love it. And next time we go we'll have paid for the passes.

So that's my confession for the week.

Naked

I gotcha with the title, didn't I?

I am not an expert on marriage. Quite frankly, there are lots of people out there who do it better than I do. Two of those people are Billy and Annie Phipps. They're pastors at our church and super fun folks to boot. And they wrote a fabulous article about marriage over at Foundation Restoration that you've just got to read. If you're married. Or engaged. Because the word naked is pretty frequently mentioned. Otherwise go play solitaire or something. But if you're married you've got to read this.

Foundation Restoration is a brand-new site dedicated to helping folks have the best relationships they can. They're having a launch party and giving away lots of great stuff as well as featuring articles by several folks you'll want to learn from.

So head on over and check it out!

It Happens in a Blink

For the full effect, listen while reading. :)

Last week I got up early one morning hoping to sneak out to the grocery store before anyone was up. I didn't make it. My five year old was up with me, so I packed her and the baby up and took them to Starbucks for an early morning 'date' with mommy.

I pulled up in my very well-loved minivan and unloaded my kids - one who had dressed herself and one still in pjs. I'd thrown on some jeans and a hoodie and pulled my hair back - no makeup, no frills. Beside me was an immaculate silver Mercedes convertible. A young woman stepped out, heels clicking the parking lot, Louis Vuitton bag swinging by her side, hair and makeup perfect. She graciously held the door for me. And I was jealous.

For a moment I wondered what it would be like to get up every morning and, you know, shower. Without interruption. To stop for coffee on the way to an important meeting. To smell like Vera Wang instead of throw up.

And then I looked at my baby, grinning toothlessly, and I remembered why I gave up the satisfaction of a career. Because I wouldn't trade the chance to be with my kids as they grow up for extra paychecks, or time with adults, or pedicures, or even a Mercedes. As much satisfaction as a career can bring, for me life is too short.

I don't have to miss first steps or forts in the living room. I get to be there as my kids learn to read, learn to multiply, learn how to get along. Right now my 10 month old and 2 year old have discovered the door stop and are cracking up at the 'boing' sound it makes when they pull it back and let go.

And I wouldn't trade that for anything.

In a few years, they'll be gone. There will be plenty of quiet. The house will be clean. I'll take long showers and read books. But I'll never have the chance to get these days back. Maybe someday I'll have a career again. But whether I ever get my Mercedes, I'll be content knowing that I had something far more precious.

Musings

Yesterday I ventured out to buy my son some shoes. He already had a perfectly decent pair, but he convinced me that one pair of shoes really isn't enough. He's right, of course. It's embarrassing that my poor child was down to one pair of shoes, but that shows how much I loathe shopping with children, doesn't it?

Anyway. We were out shopping and as I walked by a clothing store, I noticed some cute things in the window and thought, 'I should stop by here sometime by myself' so naturally I looked up to see what store it was and was horrified to realize it was the Dress Barn!

Now. The last time I was in a Dress Barn was about a dozen years ago and I couldn't find a thing in there I would ever wear. It was all 'old lady' dresses. (Oh, how politically incorrect!) So has Dress Barn changed and become more current, or am I slipping into middle-aged lady-ness?! Somebody get me into a White House Black Market, stat!

******

This afternoon the girls were having their bath. In my giant soaking tub, because we have to get some use out of it, right? I came to wash their hair and the fighting began - 'You did me first last time!' 'No, I was first, get her out first!' 'I don't want to get out! Get her out first!' So I, in my middle-aged wisdom, said, "Girls, the Bible says that he who is first is last, and he who is last is really first."

There was silence. I felt triumphant. I had pulled out the trump card - a higher power - and had impressed my children with Biblical wisdom. Then, the silence was broken.

"So that means I'm really first!" "Mom, do me last! I want to be first!" "No, she already started you! I'm last!"

Oh, the joy.

******

What not to say...

Motherhood has brought with it an unexpected and sometimes startling side effect; the things perfect strangers feel comfortable saying to you.

I received many comments while pregnant -

"Wow, you're really big!"

"You're just about ready to pop aren't you?"

Plus all kinds of questions that seemed to me to be nobody's business - is it a boy or a girl? When are you due? What are you going to name the baby?

Now that I'm surrounded by kids everywhere I go, I hear:

"My goodness, you're so young!"

"Are they all yours?" (Often this comes out as an astonished, "They can't all be yours?!" I never really know what to say to that one.)

"You've got your hands full!" (If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..)

And once, in front of my children, "Wow. You must have a great sex life." Ummm....

So. The other day we're in the library, in line to get the kids' library cards. A woman and a young boy arrive in line behind us and she says,

"Are those your children or your siblings?"  Which sounds nice but she had a rather horrified look on her face.

I told her they were my children and she kind of ogled them for a moment and then said,

"Well, his mom" indicating the boy with her "was only 15 when he was born, so.." And she kind of shrugged and smiled, like she was letting me off the hook for something.

"Oh." I said.

Gratituesday; Sick Kids

Join us for Gratituesday at Heavenly Homemakers!

The grand adventure in our house right now is a nasty virus that's taken out 3 of us so far. I've gotten about 10 hours of sleep over the past 3 days, and I was going to skip this post altogether, but it's always good to pause and remember to be grateful. Even with snot all over your pajamas. 

So today I'm thankful that we live in a country where I have access to good medical care. This might sound antithesis to my post on health care, but it's not. I'm so glad that if I need to, I can take my kids over to the pediatrician. 

I'm grateful that the worst I have to fear for them is the flu, or pneumonia. That polio, smallpox, the plague and starvation are non-realities in this country. 

I'm thankful that I can run down to the grocery store for Pedialyte and popsicles without worrying about my bank balance.

We are really, truly, fabulously blessed. 

Why Homeschool

Any time I'm asked this question, I'm reminded of the experience I had when I looked into putting my oldest into Kindergarten. Homeschooling was something I'd always wanted to do, and I'd done a formal preschool program with my oldest at home. But we'd moved to a new town (with considerably better schools than the one we had been zoned for previously) and I thought I'd check it out.

It was August, so the school was open but not yet in session. I went into the office and told the woman I had a child I was considering putting in Kindergarten.

"Great," she said, and handed me a packet of paperwork to fill out.

"Oh, I haven't made my decision yet. Could I get a tour of the school?"

She looked at me like I'd asked her to pull broccoli out of her ear.

"Um, we don't really do school tours. I guess you could walk around if you wanted to..."

"Well, could I meet the Kindergarten teacher? Can you tell me about the curriculum you use?"

I can't remember what else I asked her, but the response was the same with each question. I could only see the room after she was registered. I was not allowed to meet the teacher until 'Parents Night' the week before school started (after she was registered). I could not see or hear about the curriculum, talk to anyone about educational philosophy, or meet with the Principal unless she was already registered.

I was supposed to give my firstborn child to perfect strangers to be instructed for 30 hours each week, and I wasn't even permitted to meet them first.

What really astonished me, however, was the response I received when I told people about my experience. Several people were surprised I had even asked about the school before signing up. None of the parents I talked to had done the same. I was expected to simply hand over my 5 year old to the school without question, and folks thought I was strange, or even wrong, not to.

That point of view doesn't make any sense to me, especially since none of those parents would do the same with their 3 year olds. Can you imagine, on finding you need a daycare provider, that you would simply flip open the phone book, select one, and drop your child off the next day without ever meeting the provider? Of course not.

I was a daycare provider for a few years, and most of my parents had both a phone conversation and a personal meeting with me before they brought their children. They wanted to see my First Aid certification and the home their kids would be staying in. Why should we change our expectations for public schools? What is wrong with us?

Our children have been given to us to raise, and we must take care in doing so. Everything we do for them should be done with care and consideration. I'm not against public school as an option, and I don't think homeschooling is for everyone. I do think that whatever decision you make for your child's education should be made after a great deal of prayer, research and consideration.

And so we started praying, researching and considering. And our journey led us to homeschooling...

Read more in part 2

Large Family Logistics Giveaway

Over at Raising Olives, they're giving away not one but two copies of Large Family Logistics!

I'm super excited about this, and I really hope I win because now that we're in this massive house I need some help. In all honesty I'm not sure we count as a large family. We're larger than average, I suppose, but the Raising Olives bunch has 10 kids.. that's twice our size!

But whether you have 10 kids or 2, Large Family Logistics has tips and tricks to help you run a more organized, more peaceful, and more enjoyable home.

Head on over and sign up, and check out the Raising Olives crew while you're at it. They're a lot of fun.

Take a moment

I first read about the Hanley family a few days ago, and they haven't been far from my mind since. They lost their little boy last month and have been sharing their story through their blog. It is a story that is so poignant and painful that it had me weeping. I am grateful to them for sharing what happened to them because it has given me renewed perspective about my own life and children.

Life is so precious. Please join me in praying for them, and take a minute to love on your kids.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas!

I hope the day finds everyone happy, healthy and filled with joy. And not so overwhelmed with wrapping paper that the 96 gallon recycling bin can't close. Ahem.

This year our Christmas was a little different, since we're moving in 2 days. But we still managed to make chili and apple cider on Christmas Eve. We also drove around looking at Christmas lights - way to go Anthem Coventry, you guys rock the Christmas light contest.

The Amazing Husband and I continued our tradition of wrapping gifts on the night of Christmas Eve, and the kids were up at 2am wanting to open presents. (We said no.)

We did handle gifts a little differently this year, and I think it was a success. Last year I went out on Black Friday and bought all the kid's gifts. I got killer deals and managed to put tons of gifts under the tree for very little money.

It was fabulous until about February when I realized we were already donating some of those amazingly low priced gifts. Problem was, I bought anything that I thought they would like because everything was on sale.

This year I went at it differently. Each kid got one big gift, one thing they HAD to have. The cost of each gift varied but the desire for it was the same. They also each received a couple books, some clothes and a pair of shoes (all needed items). And of course some gifts from the grandparents.

That's it.

There were noticeably fewer gifts under the tree this year, but they were all absolutely thrilled and satisfied with what they received. And I'm hoping we won't be clearing any new gifts out until next Christmas.

I think we'll stick with this gift-buying method. I certainly prefer them to have a few beloved toys than rooms full of junk, and they seem just as happy this way. It is fun to have a ton of gifts to open on Christmas, though, so next year I may do more clothes and other items that we would purchase for them anyway throughout the year.

Oh, we do stockings, too. Their stockings were filled with toothbrushes, toothpaste, little toys, lotion, chapstick, earrings (for the girls), candy and pencils. Again, mostly things we would buy for them anyway, but they seem more fun gift wrapped.

How do you do Christmas gifts?

Missing The Amazing Husband

Today is day 3 of the single parent experiment and I will say that one good thing has come of it. I think my husband should go away like this about once a year. Because when he's gone, I have an opportunity to really appreciate him, and all he does around here.

It really isn't the housework or loneliness that gets to me, it's the constant NEED my kids have for attention and affection. Normally I can keep up with it because I share the burden. Now there's no one to go to but Mom anytime a kid needs a drink or wants to tell a story or has a Lego in his nose. Not that that happens around here.

Anyway. My husband is great and I miss him. Looking around at the marriages around me (we've had dear friends lose their marriages and it's so sad) I think we're pretty blessed. (Hmm... I think maybe a post about marriage might be in order... ours, specifically, lest you think it's all peaches and roses around here...)

We have had some fun. With only one set of eyes, things get a little dodgy sometimes. I found my 2 year old sitting in the 2nd drawer of his dresser holding a can of Pepsi (unopened, thank the Lord) and my nearly 7 year old boy was caught in the back yard today catching old leaves on fire with a lighter.

Also my iPhone is broken and I can't transfer pictures to the computer. I have a whole stack of recipes ready to post, but they seem half done without the pictures, ya know? I'll get them up soon.

Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Later.

Moving News

The Amazing Husband left yesterday. He is in Corona, already hard at work at South Hills Church, and believe me, he was ready to get back to work. He'd had about 10 days off between jobs, and while he got a lot done around the house, I was starting to think his head would explode if he didn't go back to work soon.

Things are going pretty well so far, but with me being so outnumbered, there is sure to be some kind of carnage. Don't worry, I'll take pictures.

So along with moving preparations, Christmas preparations, schoolwork, a Christmas play that 3 of the kids are in, doctors appointments for the little boys, and two birthday parties to plan, I get to play single parent for the next 3 weeks.

Should be fun!

How am I going to manage all this? I'm really not sure. But I have a few tips and tricks, and in an effort to be helpful, I'll share them.

1. Meal planning is a huge help. I have pre-printed meal planning sheets that I slide into plastic page protectors and hang on the fridge. I was going to link up the template, but really it's just a 2 column graph with the days of the week in the first column and a blank second column. Not very exciting. Anyway, I plan out breakfasts, lunches and dinners and write them down. The kids like it because they know what's coming up. Then on Sundays I'll take a look at the coming week and do as much prep work as I can. I make all my baked goods, brown meat, prepare casseroles and stick them in the fridge, etc. Whatever I have time for.

2. Stick with a schedule. In times of high stress and chaos, it seems easier sometimes to throw the schedule out the window and be more flexible. This might work for some families, but not mine! When we are used to a pattern, it's best for us to stick with it. We still get up, do school, do chores, etc. just like any other day.

3. Let things go. This year, we're skipping Christmas cards. I feel pretty guilty about this, but when the list of things to do got too long, we had to skip something. We're also not decorating outside, and I hired a cleaning service to come in at the end of the month. Normally I wouldn't be able to justify the expense, but I'm not Superwoman.

4. Be joyful! So what if the laundry isn't done? So what if you can't see the floors in the kid's bedrooms? Who cares if the bathroom smells like a linebacker? It's Christmas. Drink some hot cocoa, watch a movie and snuggle with your kids. Enjoy today!

Black Friday

Ah, Black Friday. Last year I was an enthusiastic participant in this completely insane tradition. A friend and I got up VERY early and headed out to shop til we dropped. I can't remember how early it was, but I do remember that Starbucks wasn't open yet, and that, my friend, is too early. 

This year, however, was a different story. Not only did my kids have very specific gift requests this year, those gifts being the same ones all the kids want, hence they are not the ones that are on super amazing sale, we received a call from our bank on Thanksgiving that someone had gotten a hold of our account information and made a bunch of fraudulent charges with our money! That meant, of course, that our cards were frozen. Not only that, we won't be able to get them un-frozen until Monday when the bank will be open again. They were closed Friday in observation of "Family Day". Funny, I thought it was "Retail Bonanza Day" but what do I know. 

So we made it a family day. We put up the Christmas tree and did some decorating and packing. (Wondering why we're packing?) I made homemade chicken nuggets for lunch and rosemary pork chops with cranberry sauce and acorn squash for dinner. Nothing like a day in the kitchen to get you in a good mood. Well, that's what gets me in a good mood. I guess I really don't know about you. 

So welcome to the Christmas season! My goal for the blog this Christmas is to post new recipes, gift ideas and crafts as we do them. Since we're also moving during this Christmas season I refuse to promise how many recipes, gifts and crafts you'll actually get, but it's a goal. 

Merry Christmas! May your family be close and your feet not hurt too much from running around WalMart at 3am. 

Halloween

Well, it's that time of year again. Lights are up on houses, everyone is preparing for parties, excitement is in the air...

No, it isn't the birth of our Savior I'm referring to, it's Halloween!

Halloween is a pretty big deal in my neighborhood. I mean it when I say people put lights up on their houses. A good third of the houses in my neighborhood are decorated for the holiday, complete with skeletons, cackling witches and smoke machines. So, as a Christian, what do we do?

We celebrate, that's what.

I know Christians aren't supposed to celebrate Halloween. Years ago when I was a children's pastor I read up on the subject and those who say we shouldn't do Halloween have some very valid points. So why do we choose to participate in such a blatantly pagan holiday?

The very first command in the Bible is to love God, but the second is like it; love your neighbor. Get your neighbor into Heaven if at all possible - everything else is secondary. Avoiding traditions with shady pasts isn't even in the top ten. And my neighbors love Halloween.

I could make a stand and refuse to participate. I could hand out tracts instead of candy. I could tell people about the devil worshipping roots of the day. But none of those things would win a single one of my friends and neighbors to Christ. In fact I'd probably completely alienate them if I did those things. So we enjoy the parts of the holiday the rest of my neighborhood enjoys. We eat candy, dress up, go on hay rides and jump in the bouncy house at the block party. We get to know our neighbors and they get to know us. We build relationship, and relationship is the key to introducing them to the Jesus I know they'd love if they got to know Him.

Practically speaking, here's what we do for Halloween:

* We do dress up, but we don't allow our kids to be witches, demons, mummies, bloody ax murderers or anything else blatantly evil or scary. This year they are a soldier girl, Darth Vader (ok, maybe he's evil), a princess and a giraffe.

* We do carve a pumpkin (in a happy face) but we don't decorate the house.

* We do our neighborhood block party and our church's party. We don't do haunted houses.

* We don't make a big deal out of it. We don't tell our kids it's evil, although I did have a discussion with my oldest this year about how it got started (she asked). We also don't get our kids hyped up about it, the way we talk about Christmas or Easter. It's got the same 'excitement scale' ranking of a friend's birthday party.

So if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go hand out candy to the neighborhood kids. For Jesus.

I'm Not Your Friend

My husband, who is an amazing and talented and handsome children's pastor (ok, I'm biased) wrote a little blurb on his blog about why parents are not their kids' friends. Or why they shouldn't be if they're trying to be. He said it very well, and I really don't need to comment, but you know, I like to talk. :)

I simply wanted to add that many times parents feel negatively about not being friends with their kids. They shouldn't. I am not my child's friend, I am her mom. It is not less than a friend relationship, it is more. Not being her friend doesn't mean I am not 'friendly' with her. We hang out, play games, tell secrets. But I get to add to those things the training, coaching, teaching and nurturing of a mother.

A friend's love has an end; a parent's does not. A friend tells us what we want to hear; a parent tells us truth. A parent is deeply committed to the spritual and character development of a child; his friends just want to have fun. The parent-child relationship should be so much deeper and more fulfilling than the friend relationship, even if it's hard sometimes.

So go out there and don't be your kid's friend. Someday they'll thank you.

How to teach your baby to sleep.

Ok, maybe that's the wrong title. I suppose it should really be "How to teach your baby to fall asleep without being rocked, cuddled, nursed and sung to so you can get on with your life." Or "Life Skills 101 for Babies".

This is quite an issue in my house right now because my youngest will be 4 months old in 2 days. And because we're dealing with it right now, I figured I'd share with everybody. 

There's been a lot of controversy on the subject of getting babies to sleep. Pull out a copy of Babywise and you're likely to get a minor war in your living room. You'd think we were discussing relations with China or the deity of Christ for crying out loud. I've never read Babywise (if you haven't either, or you don't know what the controversy is about, just go to Amazon and read the reviews). The premise is that you put your baby on a schedule and stick to it. Some say it's a miracle, some say it causes dehydration, weight loss and failure to thrive. 

My theory is probably similar, but like I said I've never read the book. Here's what we do:

First, wait until your baby is old enough to learn to put himself to sleep. For me this is usually around 3-4 months. By this time I know the tired cry, the hungry cry, the hurt cry, etc. He's also pretty much sleeping through the night, usually waking only once. And I've gotten to know about how much sleep and food he needs each day. 

Now the very simple but very difficult part. The next time baby is getting sleepy, go put him in his crib and WALK AWAY. Do not rock, cuddle or nurse him. Turn off the monitor. (This is so you can't hear the crying. It'll only make you feel bad. Trust me.) Yes, baby will probably scream and cry, especially if he's used to being held until he falls asleep. 

After 10 minutes or so, go check on him. He'll probably be sound asleep, having cried himself out. If not, go rub his back, talk to him and help him calm down but DO NOT pick him up. If you do you'll teach him that screaming gets him back in mommy's arms, which is what he really wants. Once he's calm, leave the room again and give it another 10 minutes. 

You're teaching him to fall asleep all by himself. Some people feel this is cruel and heartless. I disagree. I'm giving my baby a valuable baby skill. It's his very first tiny step toward independence. And it means that someday, when he's tired and no one is available to rock him to sleep, he won't suffer from it. He'll just go to sleep, all by himself. 

I don't do a real strict schedule until they're a little older. At about 6 months I start to determine what time naps are and when we go to bed for the night. Now that baby knows how to put himself to sleep, I just put him in his crib at naptime. He might go to sleep right away, he might not. But he's in his crib for rest time at the same time every day. One thing I never do, however, is wake up a baby. He'll wake up when he's had enough sleep. 

Once we start this schedule, if he wakes up in the night we let him cry. This is hard, but by this time I know when he's crying due to hunger and when he just wants to be cuddled. We don't cuddle in the middle of the night. Again, this seems kind of mean, but really I'm doing what's best for him. He needs a good night's sleep even more than I do. Sleep is vital for baby's little bodies to grow. After a few nights of crying, he's learned that if he wakes up in the night, he goes back to sleep. 

Self-reliance. It's a beautiful thing. And it's the very first character training you'll do for your child. Remember that your time raising your child is essentially spent very slowly moving responsibility for their life off your shoulders and onto theirs in tiny increments. Sometimes it's hard to do, but it's best for them.

As for those who say my baby will feel abandoned and alone by this, I understand your sentiment. Sometimes I feel that way, too, when I'm listening to him cry. But 5 minutes later he's drifted off to sleep and when he wakes up bright eyed and happy I know he's okay. I've trained 4 kids this way and they're all happy, well-adjusted kids now who know they are loved.  

A few tips: 

Make sure when you put baby down that he has a dry diaper and a full belly. Nothing disrupts a nap like a diaper change or feeding. 

Keep track of how much sleep baby is getting. If he's crying a lot when you try to put him down, he might not be tired. Or he could be over-tired. I have found my kids have a really hard time falling asleep when they're over-tired and that's when I spend extra time rocking or cuddling. 

Be flexible. If you find you just can't listen to him cry, then don't. Just remember that at some point it's got to happen, or you'll be getting up in the night with your 5 year old. Believe me, kids don't just 'figure out' most things, they've got to be taught.  

A Day in the Life

I often hear remarks from people about how well I manage my kids and how organized and put-together I seem. One friend of mine actually said to me, "I wish I could come to your house and just watch you all day, then I'd know what to do." So I figured, why not? I'll post about a normal day in my house and set everybody straight. Of course, I picked today, which turned out to be very, er, interesting.

See, I may have fooled most of you, but you'll soon see what REAL life is like for my family. In fact, once I got to the end of this day I reconsidered writing about it, but then I realized that would be cheating. So here goes; a day in the life of one family of 7...

6:00 am   My alarm goes off. In the kitchen. I use my phone as my alarm and I'd forgotten to bring it into the room with me last night. So I go sprinting through the house hoping it hasn't woken the kids. (Woken? Waken? Uh... Gee I'm glad I'm teaching my kids grammar.) Since the baby was up a lot in the night, I crawl back into bed for five more minutes...

6:30 am   Baby wakes up. Bring him in bed with me for five more minutes...

??? am    Kids start piling into the room. Alese gives me her usual morning greeting: "Can we eat?" Everybody snuggles and giggles for a little bit and then I reach for my phone and realize it's... 7:57!!!!

8:00 am   Rush around getting kids dressed and cereal on the table. Decide matching clothes are optional. Decide I can shower tomorrow. Decide to get a real bedside clock.

8:30 am  Realize that today we have 2 soccer practices and the first meeting of the small group we were coerced into volunteered to host. Use every ounce of pre-coffee brainpower I possess to try to figure out how we're going to manage that. Give up and go looking for coffee.

8:45 am   The Borrowed Children arrive. House dissolves into chaos and children are ordered OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!!

8:50 am   Coffee in hand, I check email and find out I can buy $25 restaurant gift cards for $1! Thank you Crowd Savings! Jump on that deal.

9:00 am   Still waiting for the page to load. Remember I forgot to call Amazing Computer Fixing Guy, again.

9:15 am   Give up waiting for page to load. Start school with memory work and Bible reading. Carefully edit the story of Jacob, in which he tells his father in law to "give me my wife so I can sleep with her." Thank you, NLT.

9:45 am   It's time for science. Baby is crying. 1 year old is crying. 8 year old girl doesn't want me to stop reading aloud. 5 year old girls want to keep coloring. Boys are using markers as machine guns. Mommy is out of coffee.

10:00 am   Manage to get everybody calmed down and start science. I don't notice 1 year old absent from the kitchen until he comes back in with something brown and wet all over his hands. "Honey, what's on your hands? Is that... POOP?! HOW DID YOU GET POOP ON YOUR HAND?!" Turns out SOMEONE didn't flush and 1 year old went all tide pool on me. Have not used so much sanitizing hand soap in many months. Give the children a lecture on the sanitary neccessity of flushing the toilet.

*Interesting side note. We all know, of course, who didn't flush. My mysterious sixth child, NotMe. NotMe is a sly and silent child who wanders the house making messes, leaving lights on and eating the last of the Golden Grahams. I have yet to catch NotMe, and it's a good thing for him because boy does he have some whippin's coming.

10:30 am   Science is done. Send all kids to play while I clean up. Spill oil and water from the science experiment all over the floor. Baby starts crying. One of the girls notifies me that the 1 year old has written all over the walls with pencil. Ask very calmly how on earth the baby got a pencil. This is a silly question, for of course no one knows.  Begin scouring walls with Magic Eraser.

10:40 am    Math with 8 year old. While nursing the baby. Math with 6 year old. End early to get lunch for 1 year old who is having a complete meltdown due to and empty stomach. After all, he hasn't put food in his mouth for at least 30 minutes.

11:00 am   Realize I forgot to pack lunches and violate the Homeschool Mother's Creed by heating up frozen chicken nuggets for lunch. Sorry, no organic peanut butter on homemade bread today, kids. Want some American cheese slices with that?

12:00 pm   Put 1 year old in bed and tell kids it's time for silent reading. After a few minutes remind kids that it's called SILENT reading. After ten minutes find myself yelling BOOKS! READING! FOCUS, PEOPLE!

12:10 pm   Give up on silent reading. Find out 8 year old doesn't have soccer practice and 5 year old doesn't want to go. Huzzah! Impossible evening schedule problem solved.

12:15 pm   Math, reading, spelling, handwriting, grammar. All rather uneventful. Huzzah!

1:30 pm   Latin. "What's Latin for 'I sail?'," says I  "Pico?" asks my son.  "No," answers his sister, "That's salsa." "Oh," he replies, "Can we have some chips?" Focus, people.

1:45 pm  The girls want to make a craft. They disappear into the kitchen. The boys and I try to do origami. Their commentary on my paper folding swings wildly from "You did it! This is SO easy!" to "It's SO hard! That looks like a turkey on crack!" Oh, wait, that was me.

2:00 pm   The Borrowed Children are picked up. Spend 5 minutes looking for matching shoes before realizing the Boy wore non-matching shoes today. 1 year old wakes up covered in snot. 8 year old girl goes all Rachel Ray and makes egg burritos for after school snack.

2:30 pm   Begin cleaning house for company. Realize the house could be more nicely decorated and decide to hang up all the pictures that have been in the closet for a year. Realize there aren't any framed pictures of the two little boys in the house. Decide to order some from Walgreens, pick them up, frame them and hang them all on the wall in a lovely display. What, you don't start minor redecorating projects 3 hours before company shows up? Amateurs.

3:30 pm  Photos selected and ordered, frames hung, baby fed, near catastrophe involving 6 year old boy and hammer averted. Commence cleaning.

My new wall display.

4:46 pm  Gently remind children that scooters are not for riding in the house. I don't care how cool the thump-thump-thump on the tile is.

5:30 pm   House is clean (mostly). Homemade french fries courtesy of 8 year old girl in oven. (I'm beginning to think she's the one who actually runs the house...) Homemade hamburger buns ready. Homemade hamburgers ready. Brownies ready to go in oven. Sodas cold. Newly printed pictures on their way home with the Amazing Husband.

6:00 pm   Begin final food prep. Give 1 year old boy (who is almost dying of hunger again) a hot dog.

6:15 pm   Have Amazing Husband start burgers on the grill.

6:30 pm   Realize nobody's coming. Get angry. Get sad. Get grumpy. Realize blood sugar is low. Eat hamburger.

7:00 pm  Mmmm. Unbelievably yummy hamburger and fries consumed. Remember that life is good and smile on children.

7:30 pm  Bathe 1 year old and 5 year old. Try to ignore the blare of Mario Brothers, the cartoon.

8:00 pm   Kids eat brownies and go to bed. Amazing Husband watches football. I shower, then clean the kitchen.

9:00 pm   Write blog post. Realize I'm very sleepy. And that I haven't set an appointment for our portraits tomorrow. And that I never called Amazing Computer Fixing Guy. And that my chance at $25 restaurant gift certificates for $1 is gone forever. Or until they run the special again.

Time for bed. Maybe I'll watch Iron Man 2 with the Amazing Husband.

And there you have it. One very messy, slightly insane and generally chaotic day in our life. So next time you see us all dolled up at church just remember, before we left the house, somebody probably had poop on their hands.

Family Friday : New Clothes Day

The kid's clothes bins. Note the bare mattress. Organized, yes. Decorated, not quite.

This week one of my progeny had a birthday sleepover on Friday, so our Family Friday was a Redbox movie and brownies on Thursday night. Then on Friday, we tackled New Clothes Day!

Truthfully, I would have liked to wait until it's a little cooler before I change out the kids' clothes. It's still 100 degrees around here. But the little boys really needed some bigger stuff, so my hand was forced.

Most of our shopping for new clothes happens in our closets. We have been blessed time and again by friends having hand me downs that need homes. That's one good thing about having a lot of kids; people think of you when they have stuff to give away. But storing and organizing all that stuff can be a challenge. Here's what works for us (at least, right now):

Each kid has a big bin. We used to sort the clothes by size and season, but I ended up with way too many bins and a really complicated system. Also I've noticed that sizes can be pretty arbitrary. We'd open up a bin and find that some things were still too big and others were too small already. So now we just put anything that will be worn by that child next in their bin.

On New Clothes Day we pull the bins out of the closet along with any new hand me downs we might have received. In an effort to simplify, I don't open those when we get them. They get tossed in the closet alongside the bins.

The 'new' clothes we go through, putting items into the appropriate kid's bin or in a donate pile if they won't work for us. Then we pick a kid to start with and dive into the bin. Anything that fits and they like gets pulled out and taken to their room. This provides some incentive to get rid of the old stuff. *Note: I don't make my kids wear anything they don't like. Even if it's new and good quality, if they don't like the color or style, it goes into the donate pile.

Next we go through that kid's current clothes, pulling out anything too small or that isn't liked.  These are sorted into either the next kid down's bin or the donate pile. New clothes are put in drawers and closets and we're done! Repeat with each kid. The bins are left out for a few days to catch any items that might be in the laundry.

Of course, with all the interruptions for snacks, dispute resolution, changing diapers, nursing, kissing owies, finding toys, making dinner, etc... this takes pretty much all day. But by the end of the day yesterday all my kids had complete new wardrobes. In fact, they have way too many clothes. We could probably donate half and still have plenty.

In fact, God has provided so well for us that it's been quite a while since I've had to buy my kids clothes. We occasionally need to pick up a few pieces, but that's usually because I haven't been in the bins for a while. The great thing about that is that I can spend my clothing budget on things my kids really want. Like last fall when my oldest HAD to have a pair of Skechers Twinkle Toes. They're like $65 retail, but I found some at Nordstrom Rack for $30. Even that would have been way more than I'd pay for shoes, but since she didn't need anything, I got them. We can spend a lot of money on a few items they'd really like (we usually get new shoes) because we're still spending only $50-100 per kid, about twice per year.

Because God has been so generous with us, we get to be generous, too. Now that we know we're done having kids, we can start giving away the clothes the smallest ones grow out of. I could probably sell them, since most of them are name brand and in good shape, but it brings me a lot more satisfaction to be a blessing.

 Our donate pile, so far.

Do you have a better way of organizing kid's clothes? Do tell!

Baby pictures, for the grandparents

I keep saying I'll get some pictures up and I keep not doing it, so here are some very recent pics of the little boys. For the record, Judah doesn't actually take a pacifier, he just likes to take it from Westyn.