Saturday, February 26, 2011


Yesterday I ventured out to buy my son some shoes. He already had a perfectly decent pair, but he convinced me that one pair of shoes really isn't enough. He's right, of course. It's embarrassing that my poor child was down to one pair of shoes, but that shows how much I loathe shopping with children, doesn't it?

Anyway. We were out shopping and as I walked by a clothing store, I noticed some cute things in the window and thought, 'I should stop by here sometime by myself' so naturally I looked up to see what store it was and was horrified to realize it was the Dress Barn!

Now. The last time I was in a Dress Barn was about a dozen years ago and I couldn't find a thing in there I would ever wear. It was all 'old lady' dresses. (Oh, how politically incorrect!) So has Dress Barn changed and become more current, or am I slipping into middle-aged lady-ness?! Somebody get me into a White House Black Market, stat!


This afternoon the girls were having their bath. In my giant soaking tub, because we have to get some use out of it, right? I came to wash their hair and the fighting began - 'You did me first last time!' 'No, I was first, get her out first!' 'I don't want to get out! Get her out first!' So I, in my middle-aged wisdom, said, "Girls, the Bible says that he who is first is last, and he who is last is really first."

There was silence. I felt triumphant. I had pulled out the trump card - a higher power - and had impressed my children with Biblical wisdom. Then, the silence was broken.

"So that means I'm really first!" "Mom, do me last! I want to be first!" "No, she already started you! I'm last!"

Oh, the joy.


What not to say...

Motherhood has brought with it an unexpected and sometimes startling side effect; the things perfect strangers feel comfortable saying to you.

I received many comments while pregnant -

"Wow, you're really big!"

"You're just about ready to pop aren't you?"

Plus all kinds of questions that seemed to me to be nobody's business - is it a boy or a girl? When are you due? What are you going to name the baby?

Now that I'm surrounded by kids everywhere I go, I hear:

"My goodness, you're so young!"

"Are they all yours?" (Often this comes out as an astonished, "They can't all be yours?!" I never really know what to say to that one.)

"You've got your hands full!" (If I had a nickel for every time I heard that one..)

And once, in front of my children, "Wow. You must have a great sex life." Ummm....

So. The other day we're in the library, in line to get the kids' library cards. A woman and a young boy arrive in line behind us and she says,

"Are those your children or your siblings?"  Which sounds nice but she had a rather horrified look on her face.

I told her they were my children and she kind of ogled them for a moment and then said,

"Well, his mom" indicating the boy with her "was only 15 when he was born, so.." And she kind of shrugged and smiled, like she was letting me off the hook for something.

"Oh." I said.

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